The SelfCleaning Turkey
by EldestofFiveSisters15
Summary: My first holiday fic. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Donna is making thanksgiving dinner when things go wrong. Major Doctor/Donna.


The _Self-Cleaning_ Turkey

By: EldestofFiveSisters14

A/N: This is my first Doctor Who fiction and I know… it sucks. It's really, really bad but I would prefer no flames because they make me depressed. I seriously don't need any more depression.

This is also my first holiday fic, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Let's see, I am thankful for this site, and for the doctor who episode website that helped me find my new obsession.

This is a Doctor/Donna because I absolutely and totally love this pairing; no way can you explain why they should not be together. Rose has the 10.5 so she's taken care of. Martha get's married and (SPOILERS!) Amy marries Rory. Those are the companions I have seen and Donna is my favorite! If the makers of Doctor Who didn't want us to write these stories then they shouldn't have written The Unicorn and the Wasp. So without further talking I will disclaim.

DiScLaImEr: I DO NOT OWN DOCTOR WHO, the 10th Doctor, Donna, THE TARDIS, The TARDIS kitchen, or any kitchen utensils, including the idea of a self-cleaning oven, I mean I don't even own the banana-nut muffins.

P.S. PLEASE REVIEW!

THE SELF-CLEANING TURKEY (STORY)

Donna wiped her floury hands on her apron. _Let's see; the turkey's in the oven, pumpkin pie's cooling, banana-nut muffins plated, green bean casserole done, I'll mash the potatoes and make the gravy when I get back. _"Look after the muffins sweety?" Donna asked the TARDIS a hand on the wall next to the table. The lights blinked in response. Donna nodded and smiled thinking of what the TARDIS would do to a certain Gallifreyan to keep him from the muffins. Walking to the door she untied her apron and hung it on a peg. Donna made sure to close the door tightly. As soon as her back had disappeared in the direction of her room, a very giddy Time Lord tip-toed to up to the kitchen door. He jiggled the handle, _CLICK._

"TARDIS! I just want one!"

_**No.**_

"Come on, Donna will never know."

_**No.**_

"Please?" His knees bowed as he begged the heartless machine. Literally. _**Absolutely not.**_

"Fine then, I'll just go back to the consul room then." The Doctor got off his knees, turned on his heels and walked a little bit away. The TARDIS unlocked the door and relaxed. At the unlocking click the faking Doctor rushed back to the door yanking it open.

"Ha-Ha!" In answer there was a sad hum. The 907-year-old alien furtively glanced around to make sure there was no trap set in place. _Good, no Donna._

"Hello, lovely banana-nut muffins!" The muffin seemed to jump to his eager hand. When bringing the sugary treat to his mouth, his hand paused as an ominous clunk sounded from the door's direction.

'No, no, no, no, no!" The Doctor cried running to the door, his screwdriver already out. Bleeping the metal lock contraption; his worst fears were confirmed, the TARDIS had deadlocked it.

"You do realize that you locked me in… with the muffins!" he exclaimed now not so upset. Trotting back to the opposite end of the room, he made move to grab the previously forgotten muffin. _POOF!_ The doctor screeched to a halt mouth open.

"How did you do that? How can you do that?" Hearing no reply in the part of his mind that connected him to the time/space-ship; the now distraught alien muttered some choice words he had heard Donna say once when they almost died. Almost.

"I wish I hadn't thrown that manual in a supernova. It would really have come in handy here."

_**You read a manual? **_Was the comment from the laughing time-machine.

"Decided to rub it in have we? Why are you doing this? It can't be because of Donna, why would you switch to her side? I've never done anything to you!"

_** Really? You can't think of anything? You fly me with the brake on, hit me with the mallet and the hammer, and you haven't ever asked me if I like looking like police call box. Maybe I don't like blue, I might like red better. **_She huffed and the lights blinked rapidly in anger.

"Fine, if Donna let's me live, I will ask. I promise." No response. "Well, now I need to think; how can I ensure my continued living?" Looking around the kitchen, a cross between a huge sublunary kitchen and a country one; a couple pots sat on top of the stove. A look revealed that one pot held cubed potatoes, and the other just a wrapped package of 'instant' gravy mix.

"I know, I'll do the rest of the food!" The Doctor pulled the gravy mix out of the empty pot and read the directions, twice.

"What, by the power of time travel, does this mean? 'Boil water, put in mix and stir constantly until thick'?" The Doctor didn't even know what "boil" was. Apparently his wealth of knowledge ended at aliens; their planets, customs and appearances. Deciding that the gravy was too hard for his cooking skill, left with the only other option, mashing the potato cubes. The doctor made a quick search for the wireless mixer. A handle on a motor with two long blunt blades. (Sorry that it's a bad description, but you can go on my profile for a picture.) He tried to remember how Donna had done the potatoes before; he squashed the potatoes with the blades a little before he realized he should turn on the machine. That he knew how to do, kind of. Pulling the mixer out of the pot he pressed a couple buttons turning it on; unfortunately a lot of potatoes were on the tongs when they started spinning, thereby flinging the starchy food everywhere. A single thought went through the Doctor's head 'I am _so_ dead.' He shook his head and decided that the only thing left to do was clean up and hope that Donna was in a good mood when she came back.

~:~:~:~

Cleaning, with a smug little grin on his face was how Donna found the "man" she traveled with.

"What are you doing?" Donna questioned suspiciously, wearing a pretty blue dress and vigorously rubbing her ginger hair dry with a white towel. The Doctor turned around with a guilty look on his face, "Nothing… Well… cleaning." Donna looked around the kitchen, noting how it seemed to sparkle with cleanliness, "And why, may I ask, would you do that? Does it happen to involve a certain plate of muffins?" Her hands positioned themselves on her hips, leaving only to gesture vaguely at the table. The guilty look was replaced by one of pure cherub innocence, "Nothing…well… cleaning." Donna looked around the kitchen noting how it seemed to sparkle with cleanliness.

"And why, may I ask, would you do that? Does it happen to involve a certain plate of muffins?" Her hands positioned themselves on her hips, leaving only to gesture vaguely at the table. The guilty look was replaced by one of pure cherub innocence.

"Donna! I'm hurt. Why would I want to eat muffins? Besides I couldn't even eat them if I wanted to, the TARDIS poofed the plate away. See?" He also gestured at the table, satisfied. Donna walked over to the table, laid the towel over the back of a chair. Then she walked back to the Doctor and wacked him a good one. He cradled his arm asking, "What was that for?"

"I don't appreciate you blaming the TARDIS in you blatant lie." She grabbed the sponge from him and rinsed it out in the sink.

"I didn't lie, the TARDIS really did…!" Then he saw the empty plate. It was the same plate that the glorious banana-nut muffins hat sat on. Silently cursing the TARDIS in every language he knew, the Doctor went over to Donna to try and redeem himself.

"Donna… Donna I'm sorry." _Better to take the blame than risk her wrath by trying to argue._ "Are you mad?" Donna shook her head.

"No, just disappointed. They were a treat that I wanted us both to enjoy."

_I hope the TARDIS feels bad now,_ the Doctor thought, _making Donna disappointed in me when I didn't do anything._ The Doctor hugged Donna from behind. "I really am sorry, Donna. Forgive me?" He asked in her ear. Suddenly Donna jerked around in his arms and inhaled deeply. "What in all the universe is that smell? What did you do now, Doctor?" The Doctor shrugged not sure what the smell was, it was a chemical burning smell combined with the smell of freshly cooked turkey.

"Well I did set the stove on for self-cleaning. I wanted to be positive that I would live." He flinched in anticipation of the smack he was sure he would get. Thankfully Donna was too distracted by the bad cleaning smell to attack.

"Oh my… you turned on the… you… YOU PRAWN! MY TURKEY!" She cried finally completing her incoherent sentence and breaking free from the Doctor's arms. Flinging open the oven door, letting out a cloud of steam, the frantic red-head tried unsuccessfully to save her chemical-drenched turkey. "What were you thinking? Didn't you realize the turkey was in the oven?" The temp-turned traveler clunked that pan with the destroyed bird on the stove top. She turned, hand raised to hit the Doctor again, mouth open to spout more insults. She would have continued if said alien hadn't have grabbed her raised wrist and captured her lips in his, stopping further talking for a minute of two. _He's a lot better without that taste of sardines, walnuts, and ginger beer._ At that thought Donna broke away breathless. "What was that for?" She asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist again.

"I just love it when your angry, and besides I did need to apologize for the turkey."

"Well don't think you can get out of me yelling at you just by kissing me, Sunshine. Of course it's not that I don't like you kissing me." Came the mutter from the red-head's face against the Doctor's shoulder. "Besides I have an idea that may save our Thanksgiving." Donna lifted her head. "We can go to my mum's, I'm sure she and Gramps won't mind us dropping in for dinner." The Doctor's panicked expression caused Donna to laugh. "I don't get why you're so scared of my mum. You battle monsters and aliens much scarier than her. Wait a minute, why do you always go if you don't like her?" She liked up into his face, seeing his eyes meet hers.

"Because I love her daughter." That comment led to another kiss.

""I love you too, Spaceman. I'm so very sorry; I really did try to keep you as just a skinny alien piece of nothing but…" The rest was lost as the Doctor hugged his love tight. The TARDIS hummed, happy with her part in this revelation. Neither time and space travelers noticed as the banana-nut muffins reappeared on their plate. "Doctor, how will we tell my mother?"

**THE END  
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END NOTE: Thank you for reading please leave comments. BYE-BYE!


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